Loyal Cougars

What kind of fan are you? Take the Quiz!

Take the quiz! Ryan helps you know once and for all what kind of fan you are.

If you’re reading this, it’s likely you’re a fan of college football and have a certain level of dedication to your team. But not all “fans” are created equal. Like stars in the sky, there are varying degrees of fanhood and innumerable factors that make up those degrees.

But they can be categorized broadly, which we humans are wont to do. So in the interest of self-realization, I offer this simple quiz which will help you determine what kind of fan you are—and make adjustments if necessary.

So grab a pen and write your answers on the stat sheets from last weekend you’ve been poring over. Good luck, and answers are at the end of the test!


Number 1: When asked who my favorite player for my current college team is, I immediately think…

A. I really like that linebacker with pro potential

B. I can’t choose just one. They all are probably all-Americans

C. None of them are as good as that QB we had when we won the national championship/BCS game

D. The backup quarterback

E. I’m not sure who’s really on the team. But I really hate that guy who plays for my rival who once said something I didn’t like


Number 2: What would you say is the pinnacle of your sports spectatorship with your college team?

A. That year they won that huge bowl game and finished ranked in the top 5

B. This year, because we’re a shoe-in for the national championship

C. It will never get better than 20 years ago. It’s been all downhill since then

D. It’s hard to reach the pinnacle when the entire system is rigged against your team and your coach is a total dimwit.

E. That year when our rival didn’t make it to a bowl game


Number 3: What best describes your affiliation with your favorite college athletics team?

A. I went to school at the college for which I cheer.

B. I’m sure I’ll get in this semester after applying. Third time’s the charm!

C. I graduated from my school back when we had respect and honor, unlike these kids today.

D. It doesn’t matter. I’ve got every piece of Nike gear every produced for the school. Although I’ve never actually made a donation to the Athletics Club/Foundation.

E. I was on campus once doing some landscaping work. But I really hate those morons at that other school.


Number 4: What is your expectation for your team this season?

A. I hope we can win the games we should, a couple we shouldn’t, then beat a good team in a bowl.

B. There’s no reason this team won’t go 13-0.

C. I would hope that I could get home from the games in less than 30 minutes and that the games would be in the afternoon.

D. I really want to believe in this team, but there are just so many holes in the secondary, and the line isn’t being coached up. We need to stop being so predictable on first down and go for it more on fourth. And those tight-ends need to get more involved. And if I see another run play on third and long I’m gonna…

E. As long we beat those bastards in the rivalry game and cause them to miss a bowl game the season will be a success.


Number 5: Describe the roots of your fanhood for your school/team

A. My parents are alums, I grew up a fan, and went there myself. I grew up in a stable environment where Saturdays were devoted to game day.

B. I grew up a fan, and once the Internet was invented I started a blog and message board devoted to analyzing my teams chances at landing five-star recruits and winning a national championship each season.

C. I was a fan of the team clear back when they threw the first forward pass. I didn’t stand up then, I damn well won’t stand up now.

D. My team was breaking my heart before I even exited the womb. In my home the jubilation of Saturday wins was beaten only by the anger and frustration of losses. We had a “punching wall.”

E. I grew up watching a popular team win so many games I grew to hate them so much. As a result, I began cheering for their rival. I also like the Raiders and Steelers.


Number 6: What best describes your feelings and action when your team loses a game?

A. I’m upset, and for a few hours I have to get away and sulk. But then I’m fine and ready to support the team next week.

B. It’s usually the officials’ fault, so I aim my frustration there first. Then I begin running calculations to see how it’s still possible the team will get a BCS invite.

C. I’m usually upset on the walk back to my car, especially if the traffic is bad. But Mildred makes me a warm glass of milk and by Sunday morning’s church services I have a hard time remembering if we won or lost.

D. I immediately fire up a blog post on an alternative game plan that actually would have worked. I share it on message boards because the newspapers are too much in bed with the teams to post real commentary. Then, I spend the next three days distributing blame across players, coaches, refs and fans.

E. I’m naturally upset. But my mood really depends on whether our rival wins or loses.


Number 7: When your team plays at home, explain your game-day routine:

A. I try to devote my entire Saturday to the game experience, but inevitably there’s a kids’ soccer game, church activity or other thing that prevents me from doing more than sporting team colors, getting to the game on time and cheering as loud as I can.

B. I try to get to the stadium as early as possible as the people with seats around mine love to talk about the team’s BCS chances, Heisman-hopefuls and potential records which could be broken at the game. Although, everyone around me seems to be showing up later and later.

C. Ever since I got the handicap parking pass when my arthritis got bad I can usually pull in about 5-10 minutes after kickoff. Eliza brings her red parka and I wear my green snowsuit.

D. If I don’t get there early, who’s gonna go around and tell people the proper way to be a fan? I mean, the stadium is STILL full of people wearing the wrong colors, gear, and logos. I also try to go down to field level during warm ups where I can yell tips at players and coaches before it gets too loud.

E. I try to check the TV listings in the morning to see if I have to work during the game or not. But I always use the DVR to record the games, both my team and our rival.


Number 8:  What is your involvement in your team’s Athletic Club or Foundation?

A. I gave $1,000 a few years ago and donate $200 a year so I can get good access to seats and contribute to a program that’s brought me decades of entertainment.

B. I plan to one day be able to join. But between my website hosting fees, video editing equipment and custom T-shirt expenses I’m pretty strapped.

C. I donated my lifetime maximum back in ’92, so I’m exempt from any future donations outside my tickets. Plus, they rob me blind in concessions every year, so I don’t feel bad about not giving anymore.

D. I’ve never actually made a donation. However, I have emailed the athletic director multiple times threatening to NOT make a donation if we keep the coach after this season.

E. Buddy, the only club I belong to is Southern Exposure.


Number 9: Have you ever booed your own team? Is there ever a time when it’s OK to cheer against your team?

A. It’s just not my thing to boo something I support. Others do it, and I get their frustration, but I never will.

B. Booing is acceptable if it will bring about real change and cause the coach to ponder his actions.

C. I’m really against cheering of all kinds. I don’t care if others do it, as long as they stay sitting down.

D. Booing is a God-given right of sports-fans. It’s OK for me to boo my own team when they suck, which is pretty much most of the time.

E. I don’t really boo or cheer for my team. I mostly save my energy for engaging rival fans in arguments not usually related to football.


Number 10: When it comes to news about your team, you…

A. Read articles that look interesting or have a unique take.

B. Read everything that has ever been written about your team, including obscure blogs about national championship hopefuls and junior-high recruits.

C. Watch SportsBeat Sunday, if you can stay awake.

D. Read anything that shows up in your news feed on your favorite Fan Site, then spend hours bantering, arguing and second-guessing team-decisions in the comments section.

E. Don’t really follow the team outside of game day, but you read and comment on every article written about your rival team.


Congratulations! You’re done! Now, tally the number of times your answered A, B, C, D and E and see below to determine what kind of fan you are!


If you answered “A” more than 5 times you are…

A solid, albiet average Fan – You love your team and support them through thick and thin. Your Saturdays are devoted to gameday but sometimes interrupted by kids’ athletics. You actually contribute financially to the school and have some non-sports connection to the University. You know there are rabid fans who think you’re a lazy fan, but you don’t care because football isn’t your top priority in life.


If you answered “B” more than 5 times you are…

Myopic Fan – You love your team and are overly-devoted to them. You spend countless hours pouring over stats, rankings and numbers looking for ways your team is performing better than they actually are. You desperately want your team to be nationally relevant, so you email many sportswriters and pundits letting them know how dumb they’ll feel leaving your team out of their poll ballot once they win the Sugar Bowl. You are devastated and inconsolable for a full two days after your team loses, but quickly bounce-back, running the numbers to see how your team might possibly get back into the top 15 and into a BCS bowl.


If you answered “C” more than 5 times you are…

Not In The Afternoon Anymore Fan – You love the idea of loving your team. But you’re really not that dedicated. You enjoy seeing the team perform well, but not as much as bitching about parking, seats, costs and young people. You skip the night games, giving the tickets to your ungrateful grandkids. You’ve never read a blog, tweet, message board or anything on The Internets, yet have an unending string of comments about how worthless they all are. You like the current play-by-play guy but really miss ol’ whats-his-name who was there before.


If you answered “D” more than 5 times you are…

Debbie Downer Fan – Sure, you love your team, but they make you—and everyone around you—miserable. You spend countless hours commiserating on message boards with like-minded pessimists. You have taken it upon yourself to improve the performance of other fans, informing them when they don’t live up to your self-imposed standards of dedication, destitution and dress. You will fiercely defend your team to others, but spend countless hours bashing them yourself, in print and spoken word. During games your ability act as a rational, stable human being is severely hampered and family members are secretly very, very worried about you.


If you answered “E” more than 5 times you are…

A loser – You only care about your team inasmuch as you have an inexplicable hatred of another team for petty, small reasons. Your team’s success doesn’t please you anywhere near seeing your rival fail. You are always the first to comment on article about your rival, using names like “Chris B” posting delusional, incomprehensible tripe. You don’t realize that everyone sees you as a pathetic loser, even fans of your own team, who’d rather you root for someone else because, quite frankly you’re an embarrassment to everyone.



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  2. torvel

    September 13, 2013 at 6:04 pm

    Haha! I was taking this seriously at first marking down my answers for the first 3 but then I decided to just read through the rest. I LOVED the descriptions at the end especially E. That is a perfect description of Chris B.

    • Brett Hein

      September 13, 2013 at 7:10 pm

      Hey, thanks for doing the first 3! Haha!