Loyal Cougars

The unoffending rewrite to BYU’s fight song

Ryan Teeples wants in on the “fun,” and has a PC fight song for all you Brigham Young And Old supporters.

It finally happened. The University of Utah is reportedly changing the lyrics to its “Utah Man” fight song, pandering to a vocal minority of overly-sensitive whiners.

It’s very sad, actually. I don’t usually care what goes on at Utah, but the school had a great fight song and it’s pitiful the school is choosing to acquiesce to serial complainers.

But, never one to take the chance to make light of a tough situation, I started wondering what parts of BYU’s fight song some might be offended by.

Naturally, I rewrote it to appeal to those with much more refined sensibilities than we barbarians. Enjoy, sissies.

* * * * *

Rise all loyal members of the animal kingdom
Raise your optional invitation to participate in a sporting contest to the misunderstood opposition
You will engage in respectful diplomacy, day or night, except government holidays, Rain or snow but not lightning

Loyal strong and usually not deceitful
Wear the white (but not in a racist way) and blue of all kinds
As we sing get set to spring
Come on felines it’s up to all of us but mostly Uncle Sam

Rise and respectfully support, the non-specific animal mascots are out
Along the trail to doing their best and not worrying about outcome
Rise and quietly express elation without offending anyone whose persuasion causes them to root for another cause
As we unfold our story where there are no winners or losers

On you go to vanquish those ideologically contrary to populism
For alma mater’s gender-neutral peoples
As we join in song, in praise of government and political correctness, our dependency is strong
Well keep our colors to ourselves so as not to make anyone feel bad
And cheer the student athletes of this non-state school


  1. Ole Dunn

    July 2, 2014 at 8:24 pm

    Don’t you have something better to do with your time?

    • Ryan Teeples

      July 3, 2014 at 9:43 am

      I wrote it on my phone in 5 minutes while waiting for my tires to he done. So no, I had nothing better to do.

  2. lacropolish

    July 3, 2014 at 1:09 am

    Ole Dunn – Like what? Tell people to do something better with their time?

    • Brett Hein

      July 3, 2014 at 5:18 am

      This comment has already won the internet on July 3.

    • ZooZoo

      July 3, 2014 at 9:55 am

      LOL, ouch lacro!

  3. David Ward

    July 3, 2014 at 8:31 am

    Thanks for the laugh.

  4. Mike

    July 3, 2014 at 9:11 am

    Good stuff Ryan!

  5. ZooZoo

    July 3, 2014 at 9:53 am

    Thanks Ryan, I….FEEL BETTER NOW!!! sniff sniff

  6. Nick Theodosis

    July 3, 2014 at 10:31 am

    I know this was in fun but it makes me very uncomfortable.

  7. Chris Wiikwajio

    July 3, 2014 at 1:00 pm

    Awesome. Just awesome. But sadly true. And BYU moves more and more in this direction and away from free speech and free thought to PC everything.

  8. Spencer

    July 3, 2014 at 2:11 pm

    Do you know it was already rewritten. It used to say “stalwart men and true” and now says “loyal strong and true”

  9. Joey

    July 3, 2014 at 8:57 pm

    Thanks for defining the words dumb and stupid.