Loyal Cougars

Proposed Sponsorship Deals for BYU Marketing

You’ve got to hand it to BYU’s sponsorship sales agency. These days, they’re really bringing in the dough, slapping a paid corporate logo on every flat surface in LaVell Edwards Stadium. From the bleachers to the Blue Zone, if it can have an ad attached to it, it probably soon will.

444429889_640It became almost comical during the Middle Tennessee State game as a timeout was sponsored by a local credit union and then, not more than 30 seconds later an announcement was made about a sponsorship for a competing CU.

But that’s the world we live in. And I, as an unashamed and unabashedly capitalist marketer have no problem with it. I actually encourage it. Seriously.

In fact, I’m so passionate about marketing I can’t help but see the untapped opportunities at BYU. There are dozens of ways to attach more corporate sponsors to certain areas of athletics.

So in the interest of unfettered altruism, I serve up my suggestions for prospective BYU Athletics Corporate Sponsorships.


Bronco Mendenhall’s lips, sponsored by Blistex

This idea came as a result of this tweet from BYU Men’s Basketball Media Relations Director Kyle Chilton. He posted an image of some Bronco Mendenhall chapstick. My immediate thought was: “Bronco obviously doesn’t use that” which was immediately followed by “Hey, why are they paying for chapstick when it could probably be had for free through sponsorship?!”

cougartailImagine, sometime during the third quarter of a football game the PA announcer asking: “Do your lips get chapped by the third quarter of a fall game? Do you want lips as supple as our own Bronco Mendenhall? Then try Blistex brand chap-stick, the official lip-moistener of the BYU Cougars and Coach Mendenhall’s kisser. Available now in concessions throughout the stadium.”

A delicious Victoria Secret Cougar Tail

Has there ever been anything more obvious than this?

If you’re unaware or diabetic, you may not know that a Cougar Tail is nothing dirty. In fact, it’s a maple bar donut so large it won’t fit in the overhead bin of an airplane, probably.

But everyone at BYU loves a little off-color humor.  So why not have these bad-boys branded with what covers most of America’s female tails?


Find your French’s Mustard seat in the Marriot Center

Loyal, strong and true, wear the white and blue…and sit our derrieres in mustard yellow seats to cheer on the basketball squad.

After an extensive research project consisting of 30 seconds of Googling, I was unable to determine why in the world these things were colored that way in the first place. But since they are, it seems only fitting we use that color to our revenue-generating advantage.


The Cougar third quarter offense, brought to you by Disney’s Planes Movie

If there’s a more boring and predictable movie in theaters right now, I can’t think of it. And despite those inexplicably trying to defend it, the BYU offense has been just as snooze-inducing in the third quarter the last five games or so.


We’d like to thank the Mafia for sponsoring the Lavell Edwards Stadium parking lots

Godfather_2124354bIf this is a head-scratcher to you, you’ve never parked in one of the official lots, because once you get in, it’s REALLY hard to get back out.

While you’re not likely to find a horse head in your car’s driver seat and you probably won’t find a greasy-looking sociopath trying to prevent your exit (this does happen during games at Rice-Eccles, however), getting out of the one exit they have in each parking lot is an activity likely to make you want whoever’s in charge to sleep with the fishes.


The LaVell Edwards upper corner bleachers: Brought to you by the restaurants on Canyon Road

Do you get tired of the noise and crowds weighing down on you during a BYU football home game? If so, you can get relief by climbing to the upper corners where you’ll have plenty of space and quiet.

Much like the empty dining rooms of the seemingly endless supply of coming-and-going restaurants near the stadium. I’m not sure why nothing there can stay in business. I mean, have you seen some of the coeds that live in the Riviera? You’d think there’d be plenty of need for greasy food.

Alas, they inevitably fail.  So why not get some of that small-business-loan money out of them before they tank?


MormonGirdThe students in the ROC would like to thank the BYU Young Single Adult Stakes for their support

Remember, “what happens in the ROC…might just be brought up to your bishop.” I’m not saying there’s any funny business going on in there, but when you have that many love-starved college students–many of them super-duper-hotties–crammed into a small area, there’s bound to be an honor-code violation or two.